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For Timothy Keller.

13 min readMay 21, 2023

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On Friday May 19th, I was reading Psalms 116 from Timothy Keller’s “The Songs of Jesus: A Year of Daily Devotions in the Psalms”, I’d shared a copy with Mudia and we’d been going through it together for the past week, and there’s a part where the psalter says; Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. I pondered the words of this Psalmist, and came to terms with the grief that he was going through, and as I stayed with it in the corner of the library where I sat, I was tempted to send an email to Tim and fantasized about him responding to me in person as well, his words played in my head with a plausible way to interpret this Psalm, but that was it.

And so devotion for Friday was over, however weird it was. This psalmist was going through the jaws of death as he talks about in the beginning, I was unsure why I needed this, but I let that sort of guide day for the days of my own difficulty, I didn’t know Friday had more in store.

You may know, I don’t have the bandwidth to consume a number of things, and so every day for the past 4 years when I went on a walk, I only listened to Timothy Keller on those walks. And so last year, when his diagnosis came, I felt a hole in my heart, I couldn’t bear the thoughts of losing him, but even he had provided very soothing material that helped me go through that time of intense uncertainty about his life, I now realise how much I need it again. From the announcement that it was pancreatic cancer to his article on the Atlantic on “Growing my faith in the face of death” (see below), I’d started going through every episode of the podcast with the mortifying fear that with every week that passed, he would soon be home.

During my walks, I’d find a few moments as his words rung in my ears to think about the frailty of his life and the immense pain him and his family would be going through at this time, and hoped that he found fulfilment in living for christ totally. On most of those walks, I would cry from his ever so searing words spoken with such tact and wisdom, while contemplating my own mortality and purpose. While I expected it, I dreaded the day the news would come.

I write this with an intense level of brokenness and pain; a man who has been central to my spiritual, and intellectual growth is home with God.

By the time I got home, I was preparing for a physical meeting with a prospect for 6 pm, and as I dressed up, my wife walks into the lobby and casually asks “Have you heard?” I assumed it would be one of the political arguments or tech Twitter fights that she brings to me these days since I’ve been away for the better part of the year, but it wasn’t, she just mouthed out “Tim Keller just passed”. For a moment there, I thought, no she wouldn’t joke with this, and so it must be true. My heart slumped, it felt like a tight knot in my stomach. The day I feared had come. I shut my office door, knelt down, and cried it out as I struggled with booking my ride for this meeting. I thought that with all the tears from the past year, I would have none left, but my body has surprised me greatly in the past two days.

Tim taught me to thank God for the little things in my life and put into context beautifully what it meant to be a follower of Jesus Christ.

In the last two days, I have gone through extreme grief and pain, only similar to what I felt when I lost my mother, I’ve been confused, met with the dilemma of what I would feel when I listen to his voice on another morning walk, and even though I know he is with his saviour, where does that leave me?

I have gone from crying to awe for the impact his ministry has created worlds over, to feeling the urgency of purpose that it took for him to dedicate more than 2/3 of his life to the radical spread of the gospel, and reverence for the work he has done and how unrelenting he has been about spreading the gospel in a post Christendom society. I remembered saying to myself “Heaven received a good Son today, how proud God must feel, I want God to be this proud of me”.

Two or so years ago, I remember my pastor at the time crying at the pulpit at the death of a teacher who had been instrumental to his own faith, and I thought as I watched his tears flow down as he agonised publicly that “this must be love with nowhere to go, and finding it’s way around”, and I wondered what the weight of that love between these two, and I never for once thought it would be me soon.

As I sat down to bore my wife with everything he has taught me, and how my life has been changed by this one man, I thought to watch the tributes by the gospel coalition, and just hearing a short excerpt of his voice at the beginning of the tribute, I was done in again, and lost it totally. Because how can the voice of someone I love betray me at the same time?

His was the kind, soft-spoken, emotionally aware of the plight of others, societally conscious, and kingdom-relevant voice. There was always a weight to his words, and so to hear it again brought that mix of finality, joy, and reverence to know that he is no longer here and that it is now on us to continue this wonderful legacy in whatever shape the next 50 years present. I don’t think my wife has heard me cry like this before.

The past 4 years of my life have been radically changed by the eloquence and wisdom that Timothy Keller’s words bring. Tim animated Jesus Christ out of the texts for me, blew open the doors of my imagination and reason, and my intellectual understanding of God. Tim made scriptures a living entity, and centered Christ in every sermon and material he developed. He talked often about the ultimacy of Jesus Christ in all of human endeavor, and my relationship with God has been better for it. In the past 4 years, I’ve felt his words by the spirit chip away at my hardened heart, and I’ve been a better person for meeting the Jesus that Tim brought to me.

For most of my life, I’ve always felt out of place in sensational teaching or dramatic experiences of faith, and not to reduce it, but when I came in contact with Tim’s teaching, it was kindred, I finally was in a place where I could have a God who was methodical too. My Christian experience got richer, it was more logical than mindless, and I found solace and a full experience I wasn’t missing out on by not falling on the floor, and that I too could be a Christian even though I wrote out my sermon notes like textbooks, and sermons had bullet points, and handouts were shared during a sermon. My image of the Holy Spirit changed from a fiery spirit that made people do unthinkable things in church, to a teacher, comforter and friend. My prayers became more a contemplation of the grandeur of the father, but in the same vein, a father who loved me enough to take to the cross in an outward display of agonizing love for me. Tim taught me that God was mindful of me, and the ultimate gift I could ever have was already given; His life.

Tim has spoken to both my head and my heart. In his words, God’s promises and expectations for my life have become unnervingly evident. I will miss the structure of his sermons, how he would go from scripture reading to the historicity of the text, why it mattered, why Jesus and his teachings is a mind-shattering fact of history, what it means and how it changes my life. It is always so simple to follow. I will miss how he methodically teaches without the sensationalism, I will miss the occasional jokes, I will miss how widely read he is, and how he sorts through his notes in the middle of the sermon to find a thought from a dissertation that he’d just read. I will miss how he is able to engage with a secular world asking real questions about the authenticity of the faith. It has indeed been a beautiful experience.

Tim opened the doors of my faith, showed me the true object of my faith; Jesus, and made a case for God in my life. With Tim, Jesus became the only fact of my existence. Tim taught me about the Christian disciplines; forgiveness and reconciliation (my hardest), community building, spiritual friendship, hospitality, self-control, generosity, and more. God’s word became alive and practical for me.

Tim taught me the heart of Jesus, he taught me to understand that Jesus is not selling me anything, not even a great life, and that if I get a great life that’s a bow on the ultimate gift; his life. Tim taught me that the Christian experience was an inverted one and that what the world despises, I would find myself valuing, and that what the world values, I would second guess it, and that one of the marks that Christ is changing my life is that I would find that I see value in the broken peoples of this world and that I am moved to do something about it. Tim taught me to not make final judgments of people because I didn’t make them, and he said whenever you see someone who in your head is disgusting and they only deserve death, let them stand to you like you were holding up a mirror.

From wealth to power, work, and family, Tim put my life in Christ in perspective. NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN MORE OF AN INFLUENCE ON MY LIFE LIKE TIME HAS.

This past Christmas, his teachings on the birth of Jesus, down to the sufferings of his parents lit my heart up under the sheer weight of responsibility and what happens when Christ comes into your life and demands everything, even your identity. This Easter, I went through Kathy’s Lent Devotional, and He also taught about the meaning of death, washing the feet of his disciples (as one of the most palpable ways to show that the best way to lead is to serve), Christ’s Confession (my favorite), Jesus and Politics, His death, the empty tomb, Hope in times of fear, death and the Christian Hope.

In Death and the Christian Hope, Tim says “I think I can say without fear of contradiction that no matter who you are, there’s a lot of death in your future. If you look around, you look at your loved ones, you look at your family, you look at your friends. Either you will face death yourself because you will be dying younger than is our want, or you will live a long time and face the death of the other people around you. Christian hope gives you something to deal with that, gives you something remarkable.” I will now be listening to that sermon again.

In his talks about Christian hope and suffering, Tim had times over, given me practical ways to be a Christian, he taught me how to walk with God through pain and suffering, and one of his most palpable words to me was “God knows how a desperate man sounds and he understands”.

Tim taught me that the secret of going through difficulty gracefully was Joy. because for the joy set before Jesus, he endured the cross. And that joy was one of the prospects of sharing his inheritance with me. Tim taught me that at the expense of Christ’s life, he was the ultimate elder brother in the parable of the prodigal son.

Tim taught me that God wants me to be unflappable and unshakeable, and wants me to make my nest on a rock. He says that God wants my life and every suffering I may be going through is in his agenda to make me a truly solid and grounded person, and that he is revealing flaws in my words, actions, and beliefs so I can be a firmly rooted person in his plans for me.

Tim brought to life the wisdom of C.S Lewis and J.R.R Tolkien to the fore and taught me that Christ as an archetype is the inspiration for creative exercises of any kind. Now, I can hardly watch a movie or listen to music without pointing out how it mirrors Christian theology.

Tim taught me to be someone of high emotional bandwidth just like Jesus was. He taught me to get involved at the expense of myself, Tim taught me that Jesus engaged with people who always needed him, and he always gave. Tim once said and I remember “Do you know anyone that it would cost you to be in their lives, and it would take more from you than it would give you? do you have a relationship with which there are no upsides? DO IT” I remember his emphasis as he said, “DO IT”.

Tim taught me to be kind to others, to consider my words even when I am right, and taught me to love undeserving people and to forgive in a manner that may not be natural. Tim taught me to get out of the judgment seat of my own life because even Jesus who deserves that seat doesn’t condemn me. This was so liberating, and I’ve been less hard on myself or even on others who in my mind deserve the worst.

Tim would say “Jesus is the ultimate revelation of God. For God chose to make himself known finally and ultimately as a real and historical human being. God has given us a watertight person, not an abstract argument, a compelling proof that the God of the Bible and Christianity is true.”. Tim taught me to be unashamed about articulating my faith publicly, especially in circles that would otherwise not be gainful for me to speak of the facts of my faith.

Thank you Yemisi for this gift.

Tim would always add that “Christianity is saying something that no other religion wants to say or dares to say. That the God of the universe has been on the table. Hunger, loneliness, grief, homelessness, rejection, betrayal, torture, Injustice, he has experienced it all. What does that mean? Have you been betrayed, so was he. So you can go to him, he is a wonderful counselor, because he has gone through it. God knows what it feels like to be turned down by God. You must frame your struggles with this knowledge that the word became flesh, you can go to him with anything, because he knows, he understands, and he has been there. Do you trust him like that?” and I remember saying to myself “Yes”.

Tim taught me that, unlike the other religious figures or figures in the bible, Jesus is not one more prophet or sage pointing to God, Jesus is the God to whom all the prophets and sages point. Tim gave me a Jesus with emotions, who wanted to be in touch with my humanness. With Tim, God tore through the ideal and became real for me.

On Tim’s passing, I have a few words “You sir were a candle that burned clean, you set on fire the hearts and minds of generations apart with a burning love for Jesus. No flame, wax, or heat wasted. I am very humbled to have listened to you in your lifetime; read your books, and watched your sermons. And every time you said “The Gospel Changes Everything”, it became real for me. You’ve taught me that a heart aflame can set cities on fire, and as you have laid your head to rest, I am assured that you lived the same hope you taught; the comfort of the presence of God, and the joy of resurrection.”

I am personally comforted by the thousands of sermons, my library of books, and your teachings at different organizations, my favorite being the ones at Google. I will miss you deeply, and I don’t know that words can do justice to how I truly feel. And for everyone who ever saw me crying on my morning walks, or stopping to frantically take notes, this is why.

I am personally moved to an urgency to boldly share the good news of Jesus Christ in a way that clearly communicates to the secular age. If there’s anything the events of his passing do to me, it is this; I want my life to count for God the way Tim’s has.

I think everyone should listen to the Gospel in life, and Questioning Christianity, they are great resources for anyone, even if you are a skeptic, Tim does a great job reaching everyone in different parts of their journey.

In this difficult time, my pain pales in comparison to that of his family with which he spent much of his active life. I pray for Kathy the Valiant, for Michael Keller, and for every member of the Keller Family, The Gospel Coalition family that he helped found, and more. For all he means to me, he must have meant infinitely much more to you all, and I pray for the grace to grieve well, he would want that for all of us, and I also pray for the fortitude to carry on such an important legacy.

This is for Timothy Keller.

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Charles Isidi
Charles Isidi

Written by Charles Isidi

Father x Friend. Growth Marketer. Digital Storyteller. Media and Marketing Magician. Genius. Happiness Monger. Big Thinker. Maker. Lactose Intolerant.

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